This Week’s Need to Know: Doodle Your Way to Extinction

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twins

DRAW A PENIS…HELP ROBOTS DESTROY YOU

I’m sorry…that headline was true clickbait and I feel ashamed. But…hold on…I’m not done. You’re going to email me in 30 minutes telling me I owe you the last half hour of your life when you are done trying this super addictive artificial intelligence drawing exercise that Google’s AI team cooked up. Google assumed (rightly) that humans will not only birth a race of vengeful machines hellbent on destroying us and that their ascension will come at the hands of your inability to focus at work and a profound lack of drawing skills. You’re welcome (and I’m sorry).


 

triplestamp

REMIND PEOPLE YOU ARE OLD…DOWNLOAD PHOTOSCAN BY GOOGLE

Did you come of age in an era where you had to get up off the couch to change the channel on your TV set? Do you have a deep-seated desire to show the world that you a) were born with a sweet-like-Tennessee-honey baseball swing and b) could pull off wearing red Chuck Taylors, pink Jams shorts and a cut-off T-shirt revealing your midriff in 1985? Fear no more you old bastard…PhotoScan by Google is like the photo app version of those machines that turn your VHS tapes into DVDs (which you now need to upload to the cloud BTW). It lets you snap printed shots with your smartphone and scan them without the glare and other artifacts that typically make this process annoying.


 toolate

EVERYONE’S MAD AT FACEBOOK BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE NOT SMART

In the aftermath of that thing-with-the-guy that took place last week, lots of people are pointing fingers at Facebook for providing a platform that is both an echo chamber for their own opinions and that is real, real good at spreading fake news. Some people think Facebook should play an active role in arbitrating the truthiness of the content its users share. Other people think we should focus on making humanity smart and skeptical enough to obtain information about the world from multiple authoritative sources and avoid a dystopian apocalypse where private companies adjudicate factual (and eventually moral) accuracy. Whatever you believe, you should write an angry post about it on Facebook and unfriend anyone who disagrees with you right away.


 

sniffing_glue

LABATT TAKES BEER FOR LIFE AWAY FROM EMPLOYEES

I mean…that’s just messed up.


 

jayz-wealth

TWITTER ROLLS OUT ANTI-ABUSE TOOLS FOR TOOLS WHO TROLL

Twitter announced a new set of tools designed to make it less easy to be a shithead on the internet. Either because the dumpster fire of humanity’s blaze grew just a little too white hot, or because it’s hard to sell an internet property that is the ultimate enabler of high-profile trolling incidents, Twitter is looking to stem the tide of nasty behavior. Meanwhile…no one can figure out why there has been a “sharp” increase in “abuse, bullying, and harassment” everywhere on the internet. It’s baffling.