This Week’s Need to Know: Millennials vs. The Ugly Apps

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Billionaire founder of bitcoin Satoshi Nakamoto worked hard to keep his identity a secret. But this Medium article explains how the NSA used the wizardry of stylometry “to compare Satoshi’s ‘known’ writings with trillions of writing samples from people across the globe.” By taking Satoshi’s texts and finding the 50 most common words, the NSA was able to break down his text into 5,000 word chunks and then used a particle beam to find his exact location and food intake and when he goes to the toilet and HOLY SHIT I’m never using the Internet again.

 


 

Mark Zuckerburg and his wife Priscilla Chan had their second child this week, releasing another heartwarming message about the joys of parenthood to users of the platform who follow them. But underneath all of that joy, those who thought the couple were a bit smug discovered a dark secret—you can’t block the founder of Facebook on Facebook. We suspect this may become a crucial issue in the 2020 presidential race, as the Facebook advantage helps Zuck pull ahead of Kanye in the polls.

 


 

Feeling really, really bad about all the sexist stuff, Uber has been trying hard to come across as the good guys lately. Their new CEO Dara Khosrowshahi said he’s “scared” about his new job (sad attempt at pity points, Mr. Rich Guy). Then Uber launched their new website, Uber Movement, which offers open source data on traffic and travel times for urban planners… but it’s really just a reminder that they are tracking our every move… come on Uber, stop it.

 


 

We get into heated debates with our friends and coworkers about Form vs. Function a lot. You do that too, right? Well, if you’re on the Form side of that debate, you have another data set to stock your arsenal with, as it turns out 21% of Millennials delete apps from their phones just for the sin of being ugly. So whichever side you take in the debate, and whether or not this sways you one way or the other, we think we’ve made up our minds.

 


 

Here’s all the stuff that was just bound to happen: