This Week’s Need to Know: A NEW LOW. SICK!

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12-year-old music recommendation app Pandora, which you may remember as your go-to for superhot Creed– and Nickelback-inspired playlists (don’t lie), launched a streaming app this week that hopes to rival Spotify and Apple Music. Unlike those competitors, “Pandora Premium” capitalizes on 17 years (wtf) of music genome data, so that it can do things like start playing a song as soon as you open the app and suggest tracks as you’re building a playlist. That’s nice, but I’m still waiting for an app that scans my brain and creates tracks based on what it finds there, even though I’d likely end up with something that sounds like the theme song to Pee-wee’s Playhouse.

 


 

The dear old DoD is experimenting with open sourcing more of its code on GitHub, by inviting developers to help federal employees on unclassified (boring!) code. To me, that sounds like, “Hey civilians, since the US government is 75% of the way to full dumpster fire status, please help us with the defense, also no Russians please” …but what do I know.

 


 

Honestly, that headline is all you really need to know, but here are a few more facts: The volcano is on Ambryn, an island in the South Pacific. Google sent George Mackley and Chris Horsly, 2 explorers/Guys Who Officially Have the Coolest Jobs in the World, to hike up the side of the volcano and film into the caldera. A local chief named Chief Moses said, “If you go up to a volcano you have to be very careful because the two volcanoes could get angry at any time. We believe that Benbo is the husband and Marum is the wife.” But we don’t have to worry about volcanic marital rage (at least not in this case amiright!?) because we have the link to the right coordinates within Google Maps right here. UGH IT’S JUST SO COOL.

 


 

Thinking they’re pretty cute, Heinz is running an ad campaign based on an idea that Don Draper had for the brand on an episode of Mad Men that aired in 2013. The ads featured oversized images of five-decade-old hamburgers and french fries, sans ketchup, with the words “Pass the Heinz” printed above them. “We were having a couple of old-fashioned cocktails with Don Draper and he just gave us the files,” joked the chief creative officer of the agency responsible for the ads, aka Rip Van Winkle. God help us all.

 


 

If you understand this sentence, you were probably born after 1990: Snapchat is bringing Bitmoji widgets to the Today screens on iOS and Android devices. I think that this is taking it TOO FAR. I mean really, where does it end? Dating shows produced by Vice in Snapchat Discover? Google messaging apps that translate your voice into emoji? Tinder powered drones? *Shakes cane at computer screen.*

 


 

Okay this one I’m really not going to elaborate on. Just watch it. Happy Friday and you’re welcome.