This Week’s Need to Know: Pesky Hackers, Vinyl Crackers, and Hateful Yackers



The Financial Times reported that Amazon is working on a pair of “Alexa Glasses.” They will feature Alexa AI assistant and will possibly integrate with an upcoming Amazon home security system. It’s not hard to imagine the where Amazon is going with these: being able to buy products by looking at them. The Amazon app has had image recognition for years already, powered by the Amazon image recognition neural network. This is the first thing I’m going to buy when I get the glasses.





Today marks the release of the iPhone 8, Apple TV 4k, Apple Watch 3. They’re all getting mixed reviews, and the consensus is that you should save your money for the iPhone X. I’d recommend a brand new NoPhone, which works worldwide, 100% of the time. If you have an iPhone or iPad, make sure you upgrade to iOS 11. It’s pretty swell and includes a fingerprint activated death laser.



Don’t you wish racists, terrorists, and trolls would just post baby and food pictures like the rest of us?  But they’re jerks, so they don’t, and the major platforms are trying to keep all of their hate content under control. Twitter recently removed 95% of extremist accounts, and Facebook is cracking down on racist’s ability to use its advanced ad targeting. But still, Facebook, Google, Microsoft, and Twitter are all having a hard time dealing with it. I guess at some point AI will be able to manage this better. It will be interesting to see where they draw the line on inappropriate content and how AI judges it. And if you think that free speech applies to social media, you are incorrect.



BREAKING! In what is possibly the most important story we have ever reported here, Oreo has developed a cookie that you can put on a cute lil mini Oreo turntable and it PLAYS MUSIC. Grooves are baked onto the cookie top and play a delightful Oreo jingle in styles like Classical, Electronic, and Jazz. The cookie turntables were designed as part of a campaign to target Chinese teenagers, who apparently aren’t that into Oreos, signaling undeniably that the future of humanity is in peril. But whatever, we’ve clearly invented everything wonderful that there is to invent, so we can all peacefully go extinct to a lovely soundtrack of cookie songs.