This Week’s Need to Know: Taste The Rainbow

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Like a Glove

WAZE WILL FIND YOU A SWEET PARKING SPOT

Google-owned real-time traffic app Waze announced it was teaming up with transportation data company INRIX to help drivers find parking spots. Seeking to exploit the white space in the I-would-pay-10,000-dollars-if-I-had-a-little-computer-that-told-me-where-the-free-spots-are-right-now category, we can only assume there’s definitely a “there” there.


Snowden

GOOGLE CHAMPIONS PRIVACY…THEN FORGETS ABOUT THAT WHOLE CHAMPIONING PRIVACY MISHIGAS

Professional sweet parking spot finder and privacy ambivalence ballet dancer, Google, caught some stink eye this week around their new Allo messaging app. Allo, a WhatsApp competitor that combines messaging with a digital assistant, was supposed to have some nifty encryption and ephemeral data features that Google backed away from when it launched. Edward Snowden led the privacy advocate ire charge encouraging people not to use it. But really guys…dangerous corporate control of all our personal information, like rodents of unusual size…doesn’t really exist so you can just download it. What could go wrong?


Rainbow Vomit

TASTE THE RAINBOW-COLORED BLIZZARD OF SHAME

In “News You Already Heard, Re-heard and Now Desperately Want to Escape But I Won’t Let You” news…Donald Trump Jr. posted a tweet that went viral comparing refugees to poisoned Skittles this week. Because the gods savor irony like a crisp, nutty pinot, the photo of the skittles bowl was shot by…a refugee. While the experience re-confirmed our sneaking suspicion that the internet is a dangerous place for people who don’t know how computers work, it also demonstrated how a brand can show a deft hand in a sticky social/political quagmire and come out on top.


Self Lacing Shoes

NIKE FOUND THE 1.21 GIGAWATTS NEEDED TO BRING YOU SELF-LACING SHOES

Ushering in merciful relief to sore-fingered, lower back-pained traditional shoelace tying people everywhere, Nike announced this week that their self-lacing shoes (as envisioned through movie magic in 1989’s Back to the Future II) would go on sale in November. No word yet on when Biff’s bionic exoskeletal steroids package will be released but we’re hopeful it’s not too far off.


Mark Zuckerburg

DISEASE IS DEEMED ANTI-SOCIAL AND NOT WELCOME TO HUMAN PARTY AFTER THIS CENTURY

Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan announced they were investing three of their “$B’s” into curing all diseases by the end of this century. Sounds easy. Can we start with curing my own addiction to checking Facebook? If you can go ahead and get right on that… that’d be greeeeeeeat.