This Week’s Need To Know: Our Top 3 Resolutions in Practice

By

Share:

The lemons: We learned that Trump’s button is just too big to sit on his desk, and, he’d like us to know that it works! We are still waiting for confirmation from Melania. Don Jr. is most likely too scrambled to comment, assumed to be in Manchvegas, collecting his thoughts with a White Russian. The lemonade: While many were horrified by these latest events, compliments to the KFC social media manager for managing to turn those lemons into finger lickin’ good lemonade.

 


 

It looks like Netflix is begging for a good haze. Paranoia and fear spread shortly after people reported receiving the same DM “We know what you’re up to. Watch and see what we will do.” Netflix said, chill, it was just a harmless marketing hack, go watch Black Mirror to keep the anxiety rolling. Amazon, however, is off to a good start, working to wrap us in a warm sweater surrounded by freshly fallen snow, or lead us to our beach in a new sun hat. With Amazon’s benevolent mirror we can dress to impress in a landscape of our choosing without the florescent lighting of every dressing room there ever was suggesting the bags under our eyes are larger than our shopping bags.

 


 

Your mother, father, grandmother, and great aunt, most likely asked you to get offline over the holidays, but we can really thank our bro Logan Paul for driving the point home. This YouTube star, and 10th most influential figure on Vine, managed to subject more than 15 million viewers to a dead body on New Year’s Eve. Snapchat didn’t drop the ball on this resolution…instead they dropped a giant ghost, $4 million on their NYE party, and called for its guests to live in the moment. Surprisingly, the mantra “No Photos” emblazoned on the party bracelets did not work and the Snapchat ban was completely ignored. Needless to say, this last resolution is not a snap.

 


 

If the start of 2018 has already got you feeling low, call up a friend in California to cheer you up, because they are all most likely feeling pretty high. If you think you don’t have friends in California, you do, your Sanborn buds. We can’t help you with weed, but we can help you weed out any pesky security vulnerabilities and outdated plugins from your website. For support reaching your company resolutions, reach out to [email protected].